Don't despair, repair!

June 04, 2018

When we are in despair, we tend to be emotional, put as much hatred as we can, and trying to rebel to the maximum as we can. After all, we still get nothing. Nothing that we can change to repair the despair. Itulah kehidupan. Kita rancang yang indah-indah, kita berdoa yang indah-indah, tapi kita tak sedar yang Allah memerhati. Allah tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita. I received unfavor news this morning from the dean, that university disapprove my engagement with Kementerian Pengajian Tinggi (KPT) to undergo the CEO @faculty 2.0 program which scheduled to commence by 1/8/2018. God bless, I'm all fine. Yes, it is a true lie if I say I don't feel sad about it. I went through all stages (three stages; online application, interview process, bootcamp selection) and managed to get myself into top 62 finalist out of 550 senior lecturers in UA who applied. I'm proud of myself, enough say. But we never know when the rain will come, and it can spoil our day. But not all rain spoil, ada kala hujan yang turun adalah rezeki. Pokok-pokok menikmati, haiwan-haiwan menikmati. But earlier today, we have been informed that university (place i'm currently working) allow only one candidate from the university to undergo the program. There are 4 finalist from our university, and 3 of us have been disapproved. God bless i think, maybe He has better plan for us. 

I do support and looking forward the CEO @faculty because of its objective. This is a good platform for us, young academia to get closed with the industry, do collaboration and expand the networking with the CEOs. Memang silibus dan topic dalam universiti hari ini agak deviate from what industry is doing out there. Thus having this program initiated by former Minister of MOHE, DS Idris Jusoh is something that young academia should take and play part. I'm looking forward to work under KPDNKK under its cooperatives department. I wanted to develop module on corporate governance  for cooperatives, by knowing that we have tremendous and crucial issues involving cooperatives malpractice especially involving its top/board of directors. This is something that jeopardizing the cooperatives industry, and it is worth noting that governance is one of important silibus to cover in academic curriculum. That was my early plan which now, if i want to do, i have to start from the ground. How i wish i can be part of the program and work closely with the KSU (start from the top)
First session of interview with Dato´ Izzaddin Idris Group Managing Director /Chief Executive Officer, and Prof Emeritus Datuk Kamaruddin Hussin, Former Vice Chancellor, UniMAP. 
Fitness Test during the Bootcamp selection
we did our performance  for talent night, and won the best performance.

Bootcamp selection with the team Kapchai. Will miss them all.

No regret, no heart feeling. At least I'm proud that KPT has chosen me, it is just university do not want to let me go. Biasanya kalau dalam percintaan, orang tak nak lepas kita ni, orang sayang. so unimap sayang kami lah kot kan (should i say this often, so that my heart is not wound that much). I remember how my heart broke like hell last two years. I got offered for postdoctoral program, fully sponsored under the MyMentor program, and I'm selected to be attached under University of Nottingham, KL + 3 months attachment in the UK. I got the offer and everything was ready and university emailed me that I cannot go because my PhD is not yet one year at the time, while other candidates from other UA manage to undergo the same postdoctoral program, with their PhD less than one year too. 

So when I received the news today, I tried to calm myself down, as it is already happened to me last time. I don't want to despair, I don't want to hurt myself. I know all these, throughout working in unimap for 7 years, whatever achievement I made, it as all because of myself. No direct support from the university or even the dean. I survived my FRGS two times, being a leader, it is because the evaluation coming from KPT, if the university do the selection, I think mine will be rejected. I survived my PhD in short time, part time basis, without any financial supports or study leave from the university, yet I survived and managed to get myself a "Dr". All are Allah's blessings. So when I'm being tested today, it is nothing putting me down. I get rid the despair, I repair the feeling, and keep move on and do better. Glad I have many supportive friends who can at least put the smile on my face.

Thanks Dr Syahira. i just need sincere friend to cheer me up.

Tq Dr Shankar. thanks for all the nice words
Tq Assoc Prof Dr Jay.

tq Dr Sidi
Tq Assoc Prof Dr Marlin

this is even heart touching. I love them all. :(

Tq my forever bff sister, Dr Sab

Tq Dr Nad

tq Dr / Kak Wan and kak suraiya <3

Tq Dr Lia & Dr Intan

When my wings are cut harshly, I know that it will get recover soon, and during healing time, I know something great awaits me.  I'm born to be great, so small thing never let me down. To Allah I pray, to Allah I put my hopes. InsyaAllah.


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