Reminiscing the old days: Of being poor and ugly

June 21, 2017

While tangling to go back for Raya celebration either on Friday or Saturday, it reminisce me to my old ugly times when I was a kid. I once been a very ugly and poor. But who knows, of being ugly and poor, I used to be a very hyperactive girl, a very happy go lucky girl. My friends were always happy with me, because I laughed all the times, and yes, it was a loud laugh and ofkos it's so annoyed! Looking back on those moments, I noticed that I'm no longer like that. As we grew older, facing with many life problems even though we are no more ugly and poor, it doesn't make us smile and laugh all the times. How times flies, I miss the old me. The happy go lucky one. 

I remember last time, when I was 8 years old, I worked very hard after school to earn money to buy some groceries, to pay my school fees, and to buy me some new clothes. I always been an arrogant type of girl. I'm poor, I'm not beautiful but I always acted like I'm a daughter of tokey. I knew that my family is poor, but I pretended like I'm not. So what I did, I worked to earn money at the age of 8. I helped my grandmother to collect the rubber scrap and she paid me with RM5. Last time RM5 was considered big amount already. I can buy budu (RM0.70), 5 eggs (RM1.00), dried fish (RM2) and can use them for 3 - 4 times of eating. Kangkung is free at the back of my old house. Sometimes, the excitement to eat fresh fish like Kembung, Selar Kuning is already like eating a lobster. I miss those time. Now I can afford to eat many things even shark fin, but still I'm not laughing like I used to. 

I always envied my friend whose their parent is a police, teacher, soldier, nurse because they lived in a house where they have bathroom inside. My bathroom is 300m from my house, had to go down the small hill to go to the well. I used to be an early riser as early as 5 in the morning because I liked to go school. Every year I'd received an award for full attendance to school. I even went to school without money and I never care as long as I could go to school. To go to the well at 5 o'clock in the morning alone in the dark, and I never feel so scared. No one could scare me with the ghost story until one day, I found something floated on in the well, and I ran like hell. And the disgusting part is, it was the old wood from the tree. Ghosssh...Now I lived in a house where I have bathroom even in my bedroom and I always scared if my husband is not around especially at night. See, how times changed me. 

During Raya, I always excited to wait for the day to come. In fact, I don't have new baju to wear sometimes. If my parent had extra money, then a night before hari raya, they would buy me baju raya (based on credit term - balance to be paid later). I thank them for that at least. So on Hari Raya, I will walk like a model, went to my grandmother house where all my uncle and aunty were there for Hari Raya. I'm talking about my mother's side. I know on Hari Raya they will give me duit raya . Later at noon on hari raya, I would never go away from grandmother because I knew that she will visit her friend's house and I should follow her, so that I can collect more duit raya. Actually, I'm the most loved granddaughter compared to other cucu(s). My grandmother will always take me everywhere she goes and that would be the peak time for me to double up my duit raya. Normally my cousin can collect up to RM15 the most of duit raya, but not me. At the night of hari raya, I will count my duit raya and normally I will have about RM60-100. That was the best luck of mine when comes to Hari Raya. The money will be kept by my mother until the school resume. Last time, Hari Raya always fall during school holiday. So I'll use the money I get during Hari Raya for my school uniform and school fees. Sometimes, the money gone without me buying anything for school uniform/fees.😔 That's why now, I loved to give people duit raya even though I don't know them especially poorer kids. I know their feelings and the excitement of receiving the money. I'd been there, I can feel them. 

I used to follow my grandmother either near or far. I used to go for jalan-jalan especially if I get the chance to get in the car. I feel like I'm so rich to have a car ride. If I managed to go to Pasar Tanah Merah, it was considered far already. Not to mention if I can go to KL. I feel like I'm already in Paris. Who knows, in my life I've been to Europe twice using my own money Alhamdulillah. I never regret for my past life, all are the lesson for me to work harder. 

During Form 1- 5, I used to worked at my former teacher who are selling the traditional massage oils and capsules. He would pay me for about RM20-RM25 per week. I could buy my clothes, my sibling's clothes and ofkos groceries. To get the chance to eat chicken was already a fortune to me. I'd buy chicken with the money I earned, so that my siblings can also eat chicken. Once in a month to eat chicken was considered wealthy. haha. I thanked Allah for always bestowed me with his abundance of rezeki. Even until today, He never missed to grant me with everything. When I studied in university, I worked partime at Time Square at the restaurant. I could earn for about RM400-RM500 per month. It was enough already for me to buy clothes, bag, go for a movie, eat pizza, Mc'donald, KFC and other things that most of the youngsters had. I never showed to my friend that I'm from poor family. There is no reason to tell them, not for a sympathy at all. I don't like people thinks I'm bad for being poor. I don't want my friend to get the trouble while with me. That's why I worked, earned money myself. I hate people who are poor and let the luck determines their life. I hate lazy people. Because I'm not lazy. I did many things to improve my life from zero to what I have now. At school, teachers were actually impressed with me, because I could manage my study even though I'm totally poor. I didn't have money with me at school, but I remember my late teacher Cikgu Rohaiza always treated me for meal. I miss you Cikgu Rohaiza. How I wish you can see me now, and see what I have achieved so far. Everything is because of your support. Al-Fatihah. Sometimes, I earned money for folding clothes of canteen staff's after school and she'd paid me RM6. That's more than enough for meal for 3 days at school. 

How I miss my lousy times when I was a school student, yet my friends enjoyed to be my friend. I miss Ayu so much. She is the friend who knew everything about my life. From zero to everything. She is a friend that I could ask help. I always admired her for her outfit to school. She was so fashionable to me. Everything she wore become my aim to own as well, be it sport pants, tudung bawal, school shoe etc. I was quite clumsy at school too. I never care if my tudung dirty, crumple and ever torn. As long as I can be at school. I liked school for many reasons which I don't know how to explain. I remember I joined the motivational camp at school and I was so excited to sleep on the double-decker bed. I stand up on the bed excitedly and my head swung by the fan. The late Cikgu Rohaiza took me to the hospital and I discover after the incidence, I become a bit intelligent and clever. Hahahaha.You may laugh too, but it's true. After the incidence, I never get other than No. 1&2 in class until SPM. I was a best student at my school for best SPM achiever. Alhamdulillah!

I was an ugly girl last time. I didn't have nice clothes to wear. I washed my face with shower soap last time and shampooed my hair with it too. I tried to find some picture of mine to paste in here, but none. I think I had threw them all. hahahhaha. I'm not saying I'm beautiful now, but yes, my husband said I'm beautiful. If I'm still the old me, he would never marry me. hahaha. For whatever it is, I think Allah had blessed me all these while. All my prayers are heard.😊

My house last time was so miserable. No room to sleep.  No kitchen. No bathroom. All we had are square room to do all cooking, sleep and chilling (erk, chilling??????) while I have 12 siblings. kah kah kah kah. We didnt have TV until I reached 14 years old. The excitement of first time having TV at home is like I have cinema at home. No one would want to stay away from the TV even during ads. Now, Astro also such a boring entertainment. We don't have toilet at home. It is 300 metres from our house and it is not a proper toilet, enough to have a big kain to cover the whole toilet and anyone can come in the toilet while you are inside (jerk), and not to tell you when you poop, you realized that water in the pail is out. You have to go out, fill in the pail (while you have not washed your poo yet). I hate those!

Rumah Aishah, jika Allah izinkan #secondhouse

For whatever it was, I thank Allah for every hardship tested on me. It made me to even grow bigger and stronger. I thank Allah for everything He had given me today. For every ease that He had given me too. I think it is about time for me to surrender myself to Him, to always know that the ultimate life for me to chase is Akhirat. It is time for me to remember that Allah is the only one behind my success. 

One thing is clear, for the whole life I had, I had been quite outspoken. I never kept things in my head if I found something is not right. I would simply tell people frankly. I don't like to talk behind people's back. So, to those who is new to me, please take note on this. I have my own stands in order to be the original me. I don't like liar no matter who you are to me. Because liar doesn't deserve me. I have been living with this stands since before.

Thanks for reading, 
Menulis suka-suka sahaja while I still can,
Menulis supaya Aishah & Akif can read this later.
I will never put my kids in trouble,
I will give the best as I can to them,
They will have toilet in their bedroom,
They will eat chicken too!


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