5 Tahun 2 Bulan: No more glass window, no more 20 minutes phone call

February 22, 2017

Finally, the day has come for me to write the entry which I have been waited for so long. To hear the news that my brother is now released from Songkhla Prison, nothing that I can say except no more painful feeling of waiting. 

Januari 2012 
Mendengar perkhabaran yang adik aku (Azra) ditahan polis Thailand kerana menyeberang Sungai Golok tanpa passport dan memiliki pil kuda sebanyak 3 biji bersama kawannya. He was 18 y.o pada masa tersebut. I was pregnant my first baby (Aishah). Nothing that we can do to help my brother released selain daripada pergi melawat dia, beli dan hantar makanan, beli peralatan mandi and all we can do is crying to die, praying to Allah, "Allah, let him out from the prison". And he at that time kept saying that he doesn't want to stay there. I feel him, who want isn't? Bilamasa terjadi kejadian macam tu, mula lah ada yang menangguk di air yang keruh, offering helps, akan cari lawyer untuk kami dan sebagainya. I gave large amount of money to my father to pass to them for the lawyer fees kononnya, and we were cheated and all the money gone. I don't want to story in detail here, sekadar untuk highlight yang kami berusaha untuk bebaskan Azra. Cukup setakat tu yang termampu, kami redha dan kami dalam fasa untuk menenangkan dia pada masa itu. Kami risau will he be okay there? Orang baik ke orang jahat kat dalam tu, orang buli dia ke, orang tumbuk dia ke nanti dan macam2. Because knowing him, dia bukan jenis bergaduh bertumbuk dengan orang. My brother is a nice guy (whatever you want to say, kalau baik kenapa masuk penjara, for me he is nice, he is polite, never fought with anyone in his life). 

February to September 2012
Hukuman dijatuhkan pada kali pertama, dia dikenakan dua pertuduhan (1) Masuk tanpa passport (2) Memiliki dan menyeludup dadah dari negara luar. The sentence was for 25 years in prison. Rayuan dibuat, kali kedua hukuman dijatuhkan, reduced to 12 years 9 months. Ya, lama but like I said, nothing much we can do. Kami dalam fasa menenangkan dan make a promise, will visit him regularly. Masa tu, dia dipenjarakan di Narathiwat, Thailand. Selepas dua tahun di Narathiwat, dia dipindahkan ke Songkhla Prison, Thailand. Pada aku, ada hikmah nya sebab dekat dengan Perlis. I can go and visit him as often as we can. Kalau Narathiwat, jauh sangat dengan kami di Perlis. 

2014 - 2016
Macam selalunya, aku dengan suami (kadang2 bawak Aishah) pergi melawat dia di Songkhla. Dua bulan sekali kami pergi melawat dia. Kadang2 terlebih jugak sampai 3 bulan baru g tengok dia kalau kami terlalu sibuk atau ada masalah lain. Tahun lepas ada jugak aku g tanya kat pejabat penjara tu, date release dia bila, dengan harapan date tu bertukar, jadi cepat ke apa. Tapi still, date yang aku dapat 13 September 2024. Every time visiting him, I will buy him few groceries yang dijual kat dalam tu, dengan tinggalkan some cash untuk dia beli apa2 kat dalam. I hate when talking to him via phone through the glass window, it was so painful, with a very old phone that you can't really hear him speak, and you have to pretend like you know and hear everything he talked. In fact, i wasn't but i don't want to make him feel guilty, i smiled all the way, i listened everything he talked to me. He storied about his friends there, some of them are Malaysian. He storied that people in the prison died because of TB, no proper medication. He used to jog every evening, to allow his body sweat, so that he will not be sick. Was that painful? I hate those moments. My heart cried for the past 5 years, and that was the time i realized that Allah always with me. I prayed in every prayers, "Allah, please release my brother, he was innocent. Enough for him to get some lessons, please let my brother out from the prison". Every second in my life, even when I'm walking, I'm driving, I always pray to Allah. Never in my life for the past 5 years, I forget to pray about him. I never regret to have him as my brother, he is my good brother. Whatever he had done in the past, it was about ignorance. How could I leave him at the time he is in need. I don't want him to feel ignored. I'm his blood sister, I have to love him as much as I can. That is why, I hate those glass window. I couldn't touch him, I just can see his face, smiling over me, and I did same way. Painful? Whenever that 20 minutes time over, he waved his hand over me and I had to leave the meeting room. I hate those moments. It was so cruel. To some extent, I was thinking of exploding the glass window. I just want to hug him. He is my brother!

12 February 2017
I received a phone call from my father, my brother has been released from prison. I had no reaction. No tears, no expressions. I was shocked how come this soon. Allah has blessed me, He heard all my prayers. He even surprised me. Thank You Ya Allah. Everything happened in my life is all planned by Allah The Almighty. The process to bring my brother home also was a long story. It was not easy to deal with Thailand government authorities. 18 February 2017 my brother safely arrived home in Kelantan. What happened in between before he finally reached home is unexplained. Enough say, that my brother is home now for good. He is 24 this year. Upon him coming back for good, I listened to every experiences he had there. Among the saddest one is when they (prisoners) have to stop eating at 2pm and will never get chance to eat anything after until tomorrow morning. During raining time was even worst because how hungry they are, they have to pray for the night to over, so that day time they can eat. And when comes to food, what you expect to have in prison? So now, he is in the phase of having all nice foods that he had no chance to have for the past 5 years.

Today (22/2/17)  I took him to Aman Central today to get him new clothes and he felt strange to see many people in the mall. Last two days, he went to supermarket to buy something, and suddenly he decided not to buy as he felt that people were looking at him. He is in the process to adapt himself with the external environment. No matter what ever happened to him in the past, I will always support him.

I told him, now people do pose for picture like this. he was awkward though.

**For whatever will happen in future, I trust Allah. Allah has better plan for my brother. I hope it's miracle!


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